By John O’Sullivan

(Read part one here)

So how can we do this?

Here are five ways you can raise a lion chaser of your own:

1. Lion chasers realize that impossible odds can become improbably victories. While many athletes fear failure, and thus flee from any task or dream that seems too big, a lion chaser will embrace the challenge. She knows that there are few consequences for failure, since, well, you were supposed to fail. But if you win, well then you have really achieved something. Teach your athletes that the bigger the chances of failure, the greater and more fulfilling the achievement is when successful.
2. Lion chasers cure the fear of failure through failure. The cure for the fear of failure is not success; it’s failure. You must be exposed to small quantities of whatever it is you are afraid of in order to build up immunity to it. Often times, the thought of failure is far more powerful than the actual event. Give your athlete an environment of love and respect, so they know that your love for them does not depend upon the result or performance. Then, if your child is a dominant player in his age group, then give him the opportunity to play up an age or two, so he does not experience only success. If he is always on a winning team, then find him a weaker one to guest play for, and experience disappointment. If he is dominant at one sport, try another sport where he may have to be a role player for a while. These opportunities to fail and learn from it are invaluable! As Batterson says, “lion chasers choose fear.” I would add that they also choose uncertainty.
3. Lion chasers redefine success and failure. When we look back upon our lives, we are not only grateful for the good things, but for the bad things that taught us, toughened us, and prepared us for the good things to come. Instead of being the parent who is always there to “get your child out of” difficult circumstances, instead become the person who advises your child to “see what you can GET OUT of this situation.” We can help our athletes change their perspective from “winning and losing” to “winning and learning.”  We can help our kids play to a higher purpose than winning. The importance of their journey is no longer reaching a destination, but what they become on the path. And on that path, lion chasers never let what they can’t do prevent them from doing what they can do.
4. Lion chasers focus on effort and not ability. It is important that as parents and coaches, we do the same. Praise our children for the effort, which they control each and every day. They do not control wins and losses in most sporting events, as opponents, referees, weather conditions and the like all have an effect upon the outcome. But a lion chaser controls her effort and focus each and every day. She knows that everybody wants to win on game day, but true champions are the athletes who want to win six weeks out, six months out, and six years out. She prepares with great effort and focus, and her coaches and parents praise her for that which she controls. As George Bernard Shaw says, “People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, they make them.
5. Lion chasers know that playing it safe is risky. Small changes, small choices and small investments can pay off handsomely and have major consequences. So many athletes never go after a lofty goal because it is so far off that they forget to invest in the commitments it takes to get there. Other athletes are afraid to have a big dream, and to give their very best, for it can be quite humbling to give your all and fail. It is easier to say “I really didn’t care about today” then it is to say “I gave everything and I am not there yet.” But the lion chaser always cares. He adds an extra hour or two a week of practice. He works on eating and sleeping better. These are small things, one percent improvements over time that add up and make a huge difference. It all starts with taking the first risk to dream big, and making the initial commitments to follow that dream. It all starts with NOT HAVING regrets over inaction!

So what happened to Rachel, the thirteen year old girl I mentioned above, the one who volunteered to take the deciding penalty kick in a state semifinal?

She missed. Again. Just like she had the year before. And just like the year before, the team was eliminated and heart broken, as was Rachel. But she was different than most. She didn’t want to quit. She became more determined to get better.

A few years later I had the opportunity to coach Rachel again, only now she was a sixteen year old elite level goalkeeper. We were playing in a high level college showcase event against some of the top teams in the US, and you guessed it, we were in a penalty kick shootout. Yet here is the catch. Rachel, and some other team members, had gotten food poisoning a few hours earlier. Rachel was terribly sick, and I told her she did not have to participate in the shootout as she could not stop vomiting.

Her response: ‘Coach, I am playing.”

With that, she picked up the garbage can that was at midfield and carried it over to the goal we were shooting on. She proceeded to save three out of five penalties our opponent shot. In between each and every one, she walked over to the garbage can and vomited. Can you imagine the look on our opponents’ faces?

I cannot think of a prouder moment in all the years I have coached.

Today Rachel is playing college soccer at one of the top programs in the country. I know she will be successful, not because of some special athletic gift she has, or any great coaching she got from me. That is the bare minimum that it takes to succeed at a high level.

Rachel will be a huge success in sport and life because she sees opportunity instead of risk. She takes failure and success in stride. She marches to her own beat instead of trying to please everyone else. And whenever others take a step back because they see problems, failure and fear, she steps forward and says “I’ll take it.”

Rachel is a LION CHASER!

Will your kids be next?

John O’Sullivan is the Founder of the Changing the Game Project, and author of the national bestseller Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High-Performing Athletes and Giving Youth Sports back to Our Kids. He is a longtime soccer player and coach on the youth, college and professional level, and a nationally known speaker on coaching and parenting in youth sports. His work has appeared in The Huffington Post, Soccer America, and SoccerWire.com, and he recently gave a TED talk on “Changing the Game in Youth Sports.”